Tagens Lied

Erstarrung

,if you consider the lyrics, is a song of desperation. Desperately longing for the lover. But the melody is one of panic, anxiety.

Mein Herz ist wie erstorben,

My heart is as if dead,

Kalt starrt ihr Bild darin;

Her image frozen cold within;

Schmilzt je das Herz mir wieder,

If my heart ever thaws again,

Fließt auch ihr Bild dahin !

Her image will also melt away !


I read over my blog.. So dreadfully boring!

How can one love oneself if one knows that there is something totally wrong (not so deep) inside?

chianti

.. ve kacinilmaz son: yeni bir mantar edindim. (amma da mantar muhabbeti olmus bu ara)

amacim nostalji falan degil ama bu chianti aski ne zaman basladi bende diye dusundum. ilk sanirim B.'nin Piza'ya gidisinde getirdigi sise ile giris yaptik. 4e kadar ictigimiz ve de E. , T. , ve F.'nin de sarhos bulundugu bu geceyi hep sevkatle animsarim. bir sonraki gun ne olmus olursa olsun. midemden tasan balikla karisik chianti'ler hala parkelerin arasinda midir bunu hicbir zaman bilemeyecegiz.

sonrasinda sanirim yazin italya ustunden ucarken aldigim chianti var. arada hic sansim oldu mu bilemiyorum. bende hafiza bu kadar iste. bu chianti benim dogumgunumde en yanlis zamanda acilip.. neyse, iste magdur, mundar bi seyler olmustur.

korkum, onun dogumgunu icin aldigim 35lik chianti'nin aradaki tum chianti deneyimlerimi silmis olmasidir. o yagmurlu gecede, altina sigindigimiz herhangi bir dam ve konseri icin özendigi kiyafetiyle siseyi dikisi.. ama onu bile özlemiyorum simdi. sadece hissetmeyi.

kisisel

olacak tabi bloglarimiz, cunku biz kisiyiz. carrie bradshaw gibi köse de yazmiyoruz gazeteye, ama belki kavun icinde dondurma yiyoruz.

3(4?) gundur ilk kez disari ciktim. her sey cok guzel. agaclar, kokular, bahar, insanlar. fazla guzel her sey. hemen geri kapandim eve. yolda secrethell'le kierkegaard'i dusundum. sigara alacaktim, unutmusum.

saatlerin gecisini saydim birer birer. sabah 9dan beri. yok önce yoga yaptigimdan 11den itibaren. persembe sabahi yapmam gereken seyi cumartesi aksami yapsam mi diye dusunuyorum hala.

sanki bi bolum daha lost izlesem, o sacma oyunlardan birini bi kere daha oynasam icimdeki bu sIkIntI havalanacak ve ben derin bir nefes alarak calismaya baslayabilecegim. kendimi kandiramiyorum.

serefine yarim poset mantar

"anlamak ile duymak ve soylemek arasinda gizli sozlesmeler vardir irem hanim : =)"

bartan

great things

happening.. but i want to keep track of my guests.

2 June - My precious
3 June - My precious to Helsinborg
7 June - My sis, her 2 friends and K
14 June - K leaves
17 June - My sis and her friends leave, my precious comes to stay
19 June - C comes
21 June- C leaves
21 June- We go to Oslo
23 June- E.G. comes and later in the day we come back to Sthlm
24 June- C comes back
25 June- E.G. leaves
-the f word-
26 June- C leaves
30 June-GB79 comes
2 July- T comes, My precious leaves
4 July- we leave for Tallinn
5 July- I and GB79 leave for Kuassera (or whatever)
8 July- I and GB79 come back to Tallinn
9 July - I and GB79 come back to Stockholm
17 July - GB79 leaves

joy

didnt know i loved it so dearly
know it now that it drops by so rarely

Doesnt it like my place?
In that case,
I will repaint my walls to its color
I will do what I can to retain its odour

getting up from the X side of bed

thanks to secrethell who came up with the terminology.

X was frustrating for yellow tulip yesterday. her closest, her ipod, failed her. yet she wrote a masterpiece blog just a few days ago.

X is peaceful today for me, a dumb feeling of contentment with life in general. Is it also the numb side? I have never been numb in the short term, but have always been numb in the long.

yazin gelisi

blog yazilarinin seyreklesmesi anlamina mi geliyor? son gunlerde, kimi sayfalari yeniden yukleye yukleye bir hal oldum.

benim yaz rehavetine kapilmadan söyleyeceklerim var. ne gariptir ki gittikce kis, bahar ve yaz+sonbahar kisilikleri gelistiriyorum. her sezon bir öncekindeki yenilgilerimi/basarilarimi unutuyorum. coskunluklarim bir hucum ediyor, bir eve kapaniyor. fazla itirafa gerek yok, dönence yaklasiyor.

yazin basina köpuklu buz gibi bira hissi diyordum önceden, sonuna murathan hissi. ya bu sene?

my chinese shoes

There are some objects in life that we are destined to. Like my new shoes. I saw them for the first time two weeks ago. They were the first pair that stroke my eyes amongst many and I immediately knew I wanted them. I do not know why I call them chinese shoes, do girls in China really use shoes of this kind?

Anyhow, they remind me of objects which define us. The objects that get to us regardless of the conditions (yes they were expensive for being so simple and yes i still hate ballerina shoes) and we have this eerie feeling that somehow this particular choice of getting (or sticking to) these objects defines us as an individual. Maybe it just means we choose something without really knowing why. (There is a smile on my face, for the whole human race, why..) it is almost like falling in love.