I continue from here http://tannedunicornnew.blogspot.com

Istasyonda

J icin yazmisim.

Bir sen ve ben vardik istasyonda
Yerel cocuklari sayma

Sen onlardan olamazsin
Bambaska yerlerde dogduk biz
birbirimiz icin

18 Agustos 2005

nostalgia

I now declare and admit myself to be a person of nostalgia. The ideal, one says, is to be a person of the moment. I wouldnt like to change. And some people are energetic, lively, social; these type of people are popular, they are loved and are inviting. Perhaps I am not inviting. I am not beautiful either. Who cares? I am what I am. Whether I die of loneliness, or live this upper class life without any effort, and become weaker by day, who cares? I am what I am, a person of nostalgia.

The present day world views nostalgia as something cheap. It is also seen as something useless, it is always viewed in contrast to creativity. I would say rather strange. Because it feels to me like, the past makes me whole. It compensates for the lack of this and that in a daily basis. When I open my mouth it is the past talking, and this is more or less for everyone. These are the two points.

Just think about it. Think about that one moment in your life in which you were most in love/most naive/most empty/most lesbian/most drinking in net piknik/most nothing really. Just any moment in which you had something that is now lost. (In any case, every past moment is forever lost, so one is only limited by one's memory in thinking of a remarkable, unique past moment) Think about the warmness, the coldness, the anxiety, the shame, the eternal completeness that moment brings you. Maybe no summer again will be hotter, no evening more vital, no pain larger, no poetry will ever bring you that bag of emotions, that you had that day. But still, still, you had it. You had that moment.

This is how I feel indeed. I wouldnt like to go back to my childhood. All the mistakes I hadn't done was no blissful, I know, and jumping on that elastic rope was, for once, life itself. But that would not be me. I am know me because although it will never happen again, I have lived through that night at Murat's place with Umut when we were all (as far as I remember) single, talking and talking and laughing at candle light.

All these big and small memories shape, structure, inspire what comes out of my mind and mouth everyday.

I will not go back again to high school or to university. Nothing will be so full of anxiety, excitement, struggle and so new, again. Yet I have been there, I have passed countless nights in the lab or the dormitory. Snacked a lot of bullshit, desired Devin so much, loved M endlessly with Yeni Turku in the background. All these have, thanks to all that are involved, happened. So although I have none of those people in my everyday life now, still I am complete remembering a certain moment of happiness that I lack now.

I am a person of nostalgia. Life is beautiful.

Her sey bittikten sonra bile muzik ve siir kaliyor.

Cemal Sureya

Cemal Sureya bizim sairimiz. Hayati uzerine bir de guzel kitap var, "Sairin hayati siire dahil". Feyza Perincek ve Nursel Duruel yazmis. Hic buram buram ideoloji kokan bir kitap degil, aksine Sureya'nin siirlerinin hakkini verir derecede insancil. Burda tum kitabi alinti yapip koysam yeridir.

Neden bizim sairimiz Sureya? Defalarca evlenmis bir kere. Ilk karisi ortaokul aski olmak uzere. Hepsini cok sevmis, evlenmedikleri dahil.

"...[Evlenince] Biter cunku askin anlatilacak seyi kalmaz artik. Toplumun önune biz beraberiz diye cikmak, ister evlilik olsunm ister berarber yasamak olsun hic farketmez aski öldurur. Bir de askta rekabet vardir. Cogunca rekabetten dogar ask. HEr an elinden kacirabilecek gibiysen ona tutkun buyur. O sadece seninse, onun icin de, senin icin de ask yavanlasir.

Evlilik ise toplumsal, kutsal bir kurumdur. Her kutsal kurumda oldugu gibi yalanlari cok fazla..."

Sonra memur. Maliyeci. Yani rasyonellikle tutkuyu ayni hayata sigdirmis.

"Bir yerde dusunceye yönelmemde bu meslegin yarari olmustur. Cunku maliye mufettisi kusur bulmaya degil islah etmeye calisir"

Sonralari Darphanede calismis.

"Darphane'de kabartma sanati uygulanir.(para altin madalyon); eh bizim siirimiz de kabartma bir siirdir eninde sonunda. Kabartma olan her sey erotiktir ayrica."


Siiri ise bambaska bir alem. Hic onun gibi yazan olmus mudur? Ben görmedim. Edip cansever benzer belki ucundan kiyisindan. Ama cok daha soyut.

Mektuplarindan siirlerine cok dize gecisi olurmus. Asagida bir mektup örnegi, sonradan siirlerinde yeralan dizeler renklendirilmis.


(12 Mayis 1973)Roman okudum/seni dusundum

Bende tarcin sende ihlamur kokusu
Yururuz baskentin sokaklarinda

Bir nehir su tutuk konusan cumartesi
Ustunde iki yonga: carsamba, bir de cuma

Ayrilik laflari etme sevgilim
Onumuz Temmuz Agustos nasil olsa

Kolkola yuruyoruz tek tuk öpusuyoruz
Sonra ayriliyoruz korkuyoruz da

Kimi zaman neden kalabaligin icinde duruyoruz da
Kimi zaman bir köse ariyoruz en sapa

Isimiz mi yok, su Akay'a sapalim istersen
Istersen garson girelim ilk yazin gazinosuna

....

Uc paseta gibi bir paraya dondurma yemistim
Madrid'de yemistim ve catilardan kanguru akuyordu Londra'da

Seversin mi beni, dogru söyle ama? -Sigara?
Ne eflatun etin var, yanarca mi yanarca

Inan Selimiye'nin minareleri gibisin
HEr seferinde baska yoldan cikilir nirvanaya

ÖNCELEYİN

Önce bir ellerin vardı yalnızlığımla benim aramda
Sonra birden kapılar açılıverdi ardına kadar
Sonra yüzün onun ardından gözlerin dudakların
Sonra her şey çıkıp geldi

Bir korkusuzluk aldı yürüdü çevremizde
Sen çıkardın utancını duvara astın
Ben masanın üstüne kodum kuralları
Her şey işte böyle oldu önce

1954
Cemal SÜREYA
(Üvercinka)

In the beginning it was only your hards between me and my loneliness

Then suddenly opens all doors wide

Then your face your eyes your lips

After that everything arrived inside

A fearlessness made its way around us

You took off your shame and hung it on the wall

I left the rules on the table

Everything happened like this before all