kendimizi

basimiza gelenlerle yargilamasak.. herkesin dustugu yanilgiya bari biz dusmesek, daha fazlasini gorebiliyorken.

kendimizi neyle ölcsek?

• mesela cezmi ersözden ece temelkurana gecisimizle. (hatta bartanin buket uzunerden elif safaka gecisini takdir edisimizle .)
  
• insanlari daha cok arayisimiz, daha bi ilgilenisimizle (hala kiminle ne kadar ilgilenmeli sorusunu cözemedim aslinda)
• turkuazin icine yavruagzi giyebilmemizle
• ...

Hmm.. Bu kadar.

Loosing him...

...loosing him isnt at all pleasant I have to admit. with those whom i have lost before, there was a certain lyricalness(???) about it all. there was this inspiring feeling, a sadness of some intresting hue.. it kept me alive almost. it was an emotion after all. just knowing that i was capable of this sadness somehow kept me interested. it was a reason for reading/writing poetry, a way of "enjoying" TSM (bkz. Hasret-Munir Nurettin) etc... you know what i mean. its not the fall that hurts.

but with him.. with him it doesnt help to try to run away with Volcanoes or Butterflies. with him, i have hit the floor.

...and mine

You know these students.. Who stay until the end of the exam -even if they are finished- and check their solutions multiple times. I have found that so unbearable all my life. Submitting papers seems to require that exact same practice. Don't want to wonder why.

Absolute

My absolute is not continuous. Nor is it love.

An example absolute is him. I grew up with him and we have always tried to "be", every now and then. He is the one that I always go back to. Not my parents, not any city, but him, who keeps the all-time me. He is the one who proves that there was a past. He is the one that silences my Berkeley.

Somehow there is a romantic thing about not being able to choose your absolute. But then... I may be wrong.

Every man in an island

When have people become so hard? Everyone is so closed. It is so hard to diffuse into people's worlds. Or have I maybe.. lost my charm? I wouldn't like to think so.

I woke at 5:20, and 5:30 was dawn. Yes, May is coming.

Will I ever be a sunflower again?

%6 percent of the world that i have been to

e.s. ve s.t.'ye..

incir, ferahlik gibi sözcuklerin tumce icerisinde -cumle icerisinde degil de- kullanilmasi ile gelen, kimsenin beni sevmeden kendimi sevdigim o ayvalik gun batimlarinin anisi..